Relationships are very precious because of several reasons like they increase our emotional well being, give stability, teaches us how to be a good friend or mate. Also having someone to count on and trust in times of need and someone to vent to when we face challenges. Each of our relationships elicits different responses in ourselves that help us to grow and learn about ourselves. Healthy relationship often are the glue that holds us together during times of stressful situations and when we face life difficulties. Relationships are of two types:
- Gifted: Our parents, brother, sisters or we can say blood relationships which get attached at the time of birth.
- Earned: Our schoolmates, colleagues, life partner, co-workers etc are the people who enter our life and we have chance to choose from them. Some get into a strong relationship with you for lifetime.
The relationship is important to experience the one dimension of happiness which comes from others. Working together in a healthy relationship can help to achieve a level of prosperity. Today education doesn’t really focus on maintaining healthy relationships so we require value-based education to understand it.
Each person needs relationships in different dimensions and for different reasons. We make relationships because we share the same careers, interests, thoughts and hobbies etc. which makes it to have people that make us better.
Male and females have their ways to make long-lasting bonds. Females are much more emotionally connected and invested and rely on girlfriends or a mate for things like parental advice, romantic gratification, someone to help with our children’s development and cognitive capabilities and learning how to be better at life and in a relationship and learn from experiences.
Relationships usually are our mirrors showing us ways we need to change and become better mates and friends. Also, our friends and the people we have long term relationships with allow us to be vulnerable and ask for help when we normally wouldn’t with strangers. When in relationships often we meet new people through the people we are already connected with and grow our circles. It is fun to have diversified life experiences, people to truly learn who they are and to teach them interesting new information and go on new adventures together.
What are the important things in a healthy relationship?
Relationships are made on stronger connect and bonds however their foundations are laid on important virtues that hold the most prevalence in a relationship. Finding a perfect balance between all these can be tricky but finding your way through it is what is most important.
How we can understand the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship. Healthy relationships feel good and bring you up while unhealthy ones don’t feel great and can sometimes make you unhappy. While much of the content focuses on defining healthy behaviours.
Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, loving relationship and with the right person by your side, a healthy relationship is completely attainable. If you want the relationship to flourish, here’s are the virtues in a relationship that you need to focus on.
- Trust
This is a big one. All healthy relationships require mutual and unguarded trust between partners. Regardless of what either partner has experienced in the past, like a cheating ex or a parent’s divorce, in a healthy relationship your partner will trust you completely.
DO remember that it takes time to build trust in a relationship (it usually doesn’t come right off the bat!) and that when your partner fully trusts you with their feelings, you should respect them and not betray their trust. Cheating on them or doing things to make them jealous isn’t right. On the flip side, if you don’t trust your partner then you shouldn’t be with them.
DON’T ever let your partner use their lack of trust or past experiences as an excuse to control you, question you or otherwise make you feel as though you need to go out of your to way earn their trust. Steadfast affection, support, respect, and communication will naturally strengthen the trust in your relationship.
- Respect
Listening to your partner (like actually listening, not just waiting to speak) and trying to understand their perspective is a key way to show respect in your relationship. Even if you disagree on the next POTUS or if you’re Team Kimye and they’re Team Taylor, respect your partner’s choices and opinions.
Don’t try to persuade them to change their mind about things that are important to them, like going abroad for a semester or where they want to live post-graduation. In a healthy relationship, both partners will have mutual respect for one another. Just because you don’t always see eye to eye, it doesn’t mean that one person needs to change their mind for your relationship to work.
Another key way to establish respect in a relationship is to be considerate of your partner’s privacy and boundaries. You are not entitled to know everything that your partner does and everyone with who they interact. It also means being mindful of your partner’s feelings and not doing things that might hurt them, like keeping things that are supposed to be private just between you two.
Having a healthy relationship isn’t defined by knowing each other’s passcodes and wearing other choices cloth. While it’s cool if you share those things, healthy relationships require some space and a filter.
- Communication
Communicating efficiently will avoid or solve half the issues in your relationship. Clearer communication can mend the differences and give you clarity about your partner, and the relationship. Communication is not just verbal, it’s also non-verbal as we all know actions speak volumes. Working on your bit can only strengthen your relationship.
- Cooperation
Two people make a relationship and it is two people’s contribution that builds the relationship stronger and holds the roots firmly to the ground. There are times when you and your significant other may not agree on the same things and that’s when you may have to find the middle ground.
Compromising doesn’t always mean you are sacrificing your independence or freedom, it just means, at times, it’s okay to take a backseat and let the situation take precedence over everything.
- Set Limits
We all have personal boundaries on what makes us feel good, comfortable, safe, etc. In a healthy relationship, you should feel 100% comfortable communicating those boundaries and know that they will be respected (and vice versa for your partner).
If you only want to hang out 3 times a week – that’s fine; if you want to wait before getting intimate –cool; if you want to keep your Monday Funday night with the baffles – do it. Remember that you shouldn’t feel nervous or scared to set personal boundaries in any relationship. And if you feel like your partner or friend is using boundaries to control you, like telling you not to hang out with friends or requiring you to share passwords, it’s time to rethink the relationship.
- Vows
Standing strong through thick and thin is not just something that’s said for effect at weddings – it has a deeper place in both the partners’ lives. It means putting each other and the relationship first when it comes to managing difficult times and coming out of it victorious, and also giving each other the required time and space to grow, both individually and as a couple, while making your bond more enriching and fulfilling.
- Support
One of the best things about being in a healthy relationship is having a supportive partner who you know has your back. Whether it’s sticking up for you when someone says something mean about you, or always being that rock you can rely on, in a healthy relationship you and your partner will support each other and treat each other as equals.
Your partner won’t use tactics to manipulate you, control you or put you down. They will be protective of you, but not overly possessive. They will encourage you to spend time with friends and family, work toward your personal goals and have a life outside of your relationship. Supportive partners will always want what’s best for you, and they won’t hold you back from achieving your dreams. In a healthy relationship, you’ll feel like yourself and not like you have to change things or make huge sacrifices so that the relationship can thrive.
- Appreciate your partner every day
This one is very easy because it is something that can be both said or kept to yourself. Try and think of at least one thing that you like about your partner daily. Better yet, tell them! If your spouse brings you coffee in bed, tell them how much you appreciate that. When he or she takes the kids to basketball practise after work, let them know how much that means to you.
There is no better form of encouragement than being told by your spouse how much they appreciate the little things you do. And reminding yourself of the awesome things your partner does for you will certainly help you out in those moments when he is getting on your nerves a bit more than usual.
- Surprise them – and not just on their birthday!
Who said surprises must be saved only for holidays and birthdays? It’s time to take it one step further than the annual birthday cakes and Valentine’s Day cards. We’re talking about out of the blue surprises! A small gift just because “when I saw this I thought of you” or a surprise date. You can even leave a love note on the seat of your partner’s car one morning.
A simple “Love you, have a great day” with a few hearts here and there may seem a bit juvenile or silly. But hey, the lovey acts of kindness and romance worked at the beginning of the relationship, right? Well, they still do the trick after years of marriage.
- Give what you want to get.
Our needs change with time. If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It’s a simple program that works.
There are no guarantees, but couples that practise these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.
Best Book to understand Relationship:
The 5 Love Languages
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
Chapman is convinced that keeping the emotional love tank full is as important to a marriage as maintaining the proper oil level is to an automobile.
When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and they feel secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach their highest potential in life.
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love.
Giving verbal compliments is one way to express words of affirmation to your spouse. Another dialect is encouraging words.
We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement.
Sometimes our words say one thing, but our tone of voice says another.
We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday.
When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities. You are introducing the element of choice. This is important because we cannot get emotional love by way of demand.
If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, your spouse simply wants you, being with them, spending time.
Spending time with your mate in a common pursuit communicates that you care about each other, that you enjoy being with each other, that you like to do things together.
One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, Chapman means sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
Words of affirmation focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.
We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner.
Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?” When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, “It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot.”
One way to learn new patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them. Chapman calls this the “Minimum Daily Requirement” for a healthy marriage.
The essential ingredients in a quality activity are:
- At least one of you wants to do it
- The other is willing to do it
- Both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.”
Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse’s primary love language is receiving gifts.
By acts of service, Chapman means doing things you know your spouse would like you to do.
Love is a choice and cannot be coerced.
Each of us must decide daily to love or not to love our spouses. If we choose to love, then expressing it in the way in which our spouse requests will make our love most effective emotionally.
People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.
Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her.
A common mistake many men make is assuming that physical touch is their primary love language because they desire sexual intercourse so intensely.
Most sexual problems in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs.
If your deepest pain is the critical, judgmental words of your spouse, then perhaps your love language is words of affirmation.
Chapman suggests three ways to discover your own primary love language:
- What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.
- What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
- In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.
Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day. Chapman calls this “The disequilibrium of the ‘in-love’ experience.”
Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us.
Can emotional love be reborn in a marriage? You bet. The key is to learn the primary love language of your spouse and choose to speak it.
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